


brick wall

by cromulentsoul



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Daichi's POV, Denial of Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Gay, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Pining, Porn With Plot, Rejection, Second Year Sawamura Daichi, Second Year Sugawara Koushi, Slice of Life, Teasing, Testing the Waters, They're 17 FYI
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 01:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cromulentsoul/pseuds/cromulentsoul
Summary: “You know, some say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” Suga said quietly. “So why on earth would I keep running into this brick wall if I can’t knock it over?”Daichi swallowed, “You’ll never knock it down if you stop hitting at it.”





	brick wall

**Author's Note:**

> Did I have a certain idea I wanted to do at the beginning of this fic?
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Did it turn out as I expected it to?
> 
> Absolutely not.

“Do you ever think we’ll get out of here?” Daichi asked softly, breaking the silence that covered his bedroom. He was sprawled out on his bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling in an attempt to find some sort of sign. It was as if he assumed a treasure map was going to illuminate from the popcorn ceilings and show him exactly what his future was going to be. Wishful thinking, that was.

He heard a gentle sigh come from the center of the room, his head shifting on his pillow to stare at the figure that sat there. The male’s eyes hadn’t looked up from his work, carefully scribbling down the answers to what was probably math homework- the same homework Daichi should have been doing.

“Daichi, you think too far ahead. You’re so focused on the future, can’t you take a minute to appreciate what you have here?” The male finally spoke as he set his pencil down. The words flowed from his mouth in a tone like they’d had this conversation before, tired and doubtful. Daichi was an independent person with the thickest skull Sugawara had ever encountered, it was unlikely those words would ever get past his ears and into his brain, but, it was always worth trying.

“ _Suga_ ,” he exhaled slowly, sitting up. “We only have another year until we’re third years. Once that’s over, what? We attend a fancy university in Tokyo and then we work desk jobs until we’re retired? Once we’re retired we’ll sit in rocking chairs with our wives on our porches and look at kids our age walking back from school. What kind of life is that?” 

Sugawara seemed to let a steam of air out from his nose in amusement as he shook his head. His lips curved into a small smile as he shifted his gaze to look at Daichi. “Seems like you have a pretty good idea of where your life will take you. You’ll get out of this town when you go to university. You’ve solved your own problem.”

That caused Daichi to pause. That wasn’t what he meant. Dachi didn’t want that kind of life. As if he had a clue what university he wanted to attend, and as if he knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Not a desk job, that was for sure. “That’s so stereotypical,” he replied.

“What? The life you have in store for you or my response?” There was a glint in his eyes as he collected his papers, shoving them haphazardly into the crossbody bag he’d brought with him. “Because as much as I would love to live in a quaint little house with a porch and rocking chairs, I have other plans.” He stood, pulling the bag over his left shoulder. 

“What do you mean you have other plans?”

“I have other plans!” He exclaimed with a laugh. “Maybe I don’t know what they are yet, but like hell I’m going to sit in an uncomfortable office chair for eight hours a day filing paperwork or typing apology letters.” He paused, looking down at his phone. “I should get going, it’s almost time for dinner.”

“You could stay- you know- for dinner,” Daichi responded a bit too eagerly. He was curious to hear what Suga meant. He had other plans? But he didn’t know what they were? How could he be so calm about knowing absolutely nothing about his future? Had he even thought about it? 

To Daichi’s surprise, Sugawara shook his head and placed his phone in his front pocket, like always. “Can’t. My grandmother is staying with us for a few days and I’d be killed if I missed a meal with her. Besides, I can’t help but think you’d just start asking me about what I meant.”

“What’s wrong with asking about it?” Daichi started to get up. He looked a mess. The shower he’d had after volleyball practice hadn’t done him enough justice. His hair was all over the place, his shirt was wrinkled and his pants hung low on his hips like he needed a belt. “It can’t be prying if you don’t know anything.”

Sugawara, on the other hand, looked more than fine. His white button-up shirt was neatly tucked into his slacks, a belt fastened around his waist to keep them, well, up. Seems as if their appearances matched how they were feeling on the inside. He pulled his crossbody bag up higher on his shoulder, his thumb slowing running against the fabric of the material as he tried to pull a few words together.

“You’ve got such a thick skull, Daichi,” he took a single step towards the other. His right hand formed a fist, knocking on the other’s head a bit too rough to be counted as an endearing gesture. “Sometimes I wonder if you even understand a single word that comes out of my mouth. It’s like I’m speaking to a big, stupid brick wall.” Despite his insulting, he had a smile adorned on his face. As he took his hand back and started walking out of Daichi’s bedroom, he spoke: “Maybe you should try studying or something. Can’t have an existential crisis at age seventeen.”

“Watch me!” He yelled back to the other, even if he was halfway down the hallway, he was sure that Suga could hear him.

“Bye Daichi~”

How could Sugawara be so cruel but seem like an absolute angel?

___

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about what Suga had told him later on that night. What he said probably wasn’t meant to be taken that deep, Daichi just liked to overthink things. He was aware of the awful habit, he knew that Sugawara was probably just teasing him for trying to plan out his whole life when he was seventeen, but still... Was he really just a big, stupid brick wall?

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
Am I really a big stupid brick wall?

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
A big, stupid brick wall. Yeah. If you forget the comma it doesn’t make sense.

God. One would think that having a friend as aggressive as Suga would manage to ground Daichi to the ground that he walked on every day, but somehow he just seemed to be infatuated with the future. 

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Why are you so obsessed with what I said, anyway?

‘Because’ Daichi struggled to come up with the proper thoughts. Maybe there was a part of him that was jealous that Sugawara didn’t fear the future. He didn’t worry about finding the perfect girl, the perfect job that came after the perfect years at University. He didn’t worry about finding the perfect little house in a sweet neighborhood with festivities and parades for the kids, and he definitely didn’t worry about finding sets of rocking chairs. 

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
I don’t know. You’ve got such a handle on things, meanwhile, I don’t know even know where to start.

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
You really think I have a handle on things? 

Daichi felt like he could hear the other male snort from behind his phone screen.

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
You really are a big, stupid brick wall.

Daichi wanted to throw his phone across the room, but for some reason, he felt like Sugawara would enjoy that. He seemed to love when he got frustrated, especially when it was due to his own annoyance. Sugawara always managed to catch him from every angle, and every ball he was thrown from the other seemed to be curved.

He groaned softly, letting his forearm rest over his eyes as he attempted to think of some sort of comeback that would compare. ‘Big, stupid brick wall’ wasn’t necessarily a good insult or anything, but it was blunt and to the point as most of Suga’s comebacks were. He always seemed to hit the nail on the head, even if he was blindfolded or his hands were tied behind his back.

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
You’re a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
At least I look good on the outside. You’re a wreck.

Ouch.

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
I’m going to sleep.

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
It’s not even nine yet, have I really destroyed your pride that much?

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
You’re in line to be the next team captain and you’re really going to let my teasing make you into a melted pool of ice cream or something? God, who am I best friends with? You’re supposed to be strong, hence the term ‘brick’ in the phrase ‘brick wall’.

What that supposed to be a backhanded compliment? Yes, he was stupid, but he was also as strong as a brick wall? But, when he said ‘big, stupid brick wall’ he meant brick wall in terms of him being dense and unable to see anything… So he really didn’t mean that he was strong the first time around or…

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Meet me at the practice gym. If you don’t show up I’m going to hit you so hard you’ll have a concussion.

Ah. That was the endearing Suga he’d learned to love. Sugawara wasn’t his mom, he wasn't his therapist, and he really wasn’t sure what kind of a best friend he was, but somehow after all the insults and the backhanded compliments he’d felt a bit better than he had before in some weird way. He probably wasn’t supposed to feel the way he was. His chest felt light and giddy, yet his body was adorned in nerves. He hadn’t really thought about what Suga meant when he said to meet him at the gym, but he knew if he skipped Sugawara would keep his promise of a concussion.

\---

The first noise he heard when he walked into the gym was the sound of volleyball shoes squeaking on the floor. His eyes cast upward from the ground to see Suga running laps around the court. The net had already been set up, a basket of balls was already rolled out from the closet. 

‘How long has he been here?’ The male thought to himself as he tried to pull at all the ideas he could muster. One: Sugawara actually didn’t have his grandmother over and he came back to the gym after doing homework. Two: Sugawara actually went home and ate with his grandmother then came back here because he wanted more practice and then needed Daichi because a setter can’t spike to the air. Three: Sugawara knew that Daichi was in a weird mood the second he texted him so he left after dinner and came here to set up the gym before finally telling him to come once everything was down. Hm. 

The first one seemed plausible. 

“Ah. Good, you showed up.” Sugawara stopped jogging as he passed Daichi. He stood calmly, looking down at the other with those big brown eyes. The expression he had on his face seemed slightly relieved, but also agitated. “I’m not going to have to get Asahi to hold you as I repeatedly punch you in the head.”

Yep. That was Suga. 

Daichi shook his head as he sat on the floor, replacing his normal shoes with his volleyball shoes. “How long have you been here?” He asked as he tilted his head towards the set up net. He went back to focusing on his shoes as the other sighed, feeling that eye contact may not be in his benefit for the moment.

“Well,” he hummed as his hands rested on his hips, “depending on who you ask, I’ve been here for about thirty minutes. But since you’re asking, I’ve been here for five.” Suga was more than aware that Daichi worried about him. Daichi was one of the first people Sugawara could call a best friend, and of course, a protective attachment came with the term. Suga didn’t like to worry him, especially considering how much of a miniature existential crisis he had himself in at the moment. 

“Why-”

“Can you stop asking questions?” Suga returned quickly, cutting the other off from saying another word. “As much as I would love to sit here and play twenty questions with you, I didn’t tell you to come here for no reason.” He shifted, moving away from Daichi to the basket of balls. He lifted one into his hands, tossing it in the air a few times, catching it with ease. “You just gonna sit there or are we actually going to play?”

He paused for a moment. His eyes were finally forced to look back at Suga seeing that both of his shoes were replaced and tied. They couldn’t legitimately play with two people, but somehow the way that Suga spoke made Daichi believe that they could. They could work on setting and spiking, something the two of them should work on if they really wanted to be the powerhouse school they’d dreamed about together. 

He stood, brushing off his shorts as he brought himself over to Suga’s side. No words. Just volleyball. 

He wouldn’t say that the two of them had a connection, but they understood each other without words being attached. Sugawara playfully slapped the other on the arm as the other came up to him, a smile crossing his face as he moved to his proper position. He effortlessly tossed the ball over to Daichi as he walked to the side of the court. 

Then, everything seemed to fit into place. 

Daichi would throw the ball to Suga who would set it to Daichi who would spike it. The process worked well. Sugawara’s tosses always went to Daichi's hand, and Daichi’s hand always hit it onto the other side of the court. No words. Just volleyball. 

They went again and again, letting all of the balls in the basket windle down until there was only one left. Daichi took it into his hands, looking down at it before gazing at Sugawara. He had a layer of sweat on his face, his chest was rising and falling at a quickened pace as he tried to catch his breath. His hair was slightly flattened due to the movements, a part of his bangs clung to his face. His hands gripped the fabric of his shirt in attempts to keep them dry so he could properly set that last ball to Daichi. He hadn’t even noticed him staring. 

“Suga.” He fumbled with the ball in his hand, suddenly becoming uneasy. He wasn’t quite sure what came over him. The nerves that had fallen off while they played volleyball came back, giving him a strange feeling within his chest. He swallowed slowly, bouncing the ball once on the ground as Suga finally gave him his full attention.

“What is it?” He asked calmly, his eyebrow raising ever so slightly as he saw Daichi go somewhat pale. It was bizarre, he’d seemed so fine a minute ago. Sugawara turned his whole body towards the other, tilting his head to the side as he tried to read Daichi’s thoughts. Was he tired? They had gone through at least twenty balls and he had been doing most of the running. He didn’t seem sweaty, though. Was he dehydrated? “Daichi?” 

“I-” He paused, the words seeming to catch in his throat. What did he want to say? What was he even planning on saying in the first place? 

“Daichi,” Suga blinked, jogging over to the other. He gently tapped the other on the arm, then wave his hand in front of his eyes. “Hello~? Earth to Daichi?” Normally Suga could understand what on Earth was going on in his head, but his eyes seemed glazed over. “Daichi.” 

Next thing he knew, he was on the floor. There was a brief ringing in his ears as well as a long stream of cursing as his vision started to come back. Daichi’s hand slowly came to his face, feeling something damp on his forehead. He rubbed his eyes slowly, starting to push himself up to a sitting position until he heard a “Do _not_ move” come from across the gym.

“Jesus Christ Daichi way to scare a guy,” he heard, a soft huff coming from the other male in the room. He was still a little confused about what was going on, more specifically what happened from when he was standing to when he was on the floor. “To think that you can handle yourself for more than three hours and here you are laying on the gym floor after you _passed out_.” He continued to hear Sugawara’s voice scold him. 

Even if he was getting rung out by Suga, he couldn’t help but smile a little. 

“What happened?” He asked softly, Sugawara’s face appearing above him as his senses started to come back to him. His vision was no longer blurred, seeing the soft and worried facial features of Sugawara, and the ringing in his ears had fully faded. All he was hearing was the long murmured rant of Suga, probably about his health. He wasn’t really paying attention to him, even though he should have.

“You just passed out!” He exclaimed, quietly sitting down beside the other. His hand moved to take the wet cloth from Daichi’s forehead, his fingers brushing over the damp skin in a motherly nature. “Thankfully I was close enough to grab you before you hit your head on the floor, but god... Daichi you scared me.” Sugawara seemed to be the uneasy one now. “I think your knees were locked for too long, along with dehydration.” 

“Ah..” He nodded slowly, his eyes remaining set on the other’s face. His brow was furrowed, still physically showing his concern for the other. “Can I sit up now?” 

“I don’t know, are you going to pass out on me again?” He asked, an attempt to tease coming through his tone as he reached for the other’s hand to help him sit up. With his other hand, he slid a water bottle over to him.

“Hopefully not,” he replied, chuckling quietly as he sat up. His ears began to ring ever so slightly, but the noise faded away as time went on. He took slow sips from the water bottle, casting another look to Sugawara. 

God, he looked so nervous. He was sure that he’d given the other quite the scare, but he was conscious at the moment so he really had nothing to worry about! Right? “Suga, you look like a ghost.” He broke the silent stares, a hesitant smile falling over his face.

He immediately regretted his decision to break the quiet. Sugawara shoved him, his hand pushed harshly against the front of his shoulder, nearly sending him back onto the floor. “Shut up! You scared me!” He hissed, feeling the need to slap him. How could he act so nonchalant about him passing-the-fuck-out?

When Daichi looked back at Suga, color had flushed to his cheeks. He didn’t look like a ghost anymore, to say the least. He couldn’t help but let a gentle laugh slip past his lips, Sugawara immediately responding to it with another punch against the chest. He started to apologize again and again, attempting to get the other to stop hitting him as he laughed. It wasn’t his fault! He didn’t deserve this!

“You’re the one who-- God Daichi!” He groaned, eventually giving up from putting some sense into the other. He sat back on his knees, staring at the other with that hint of desire to hit him again. “You’re complicated.” 

“First I’m a big, stupid brick wall and now I’m complicated. Wow… Not sure if that’s an improvement or not.” He chuckled softly, scratching the back of his neck as his own cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He wasn’t sure if he should say anything else, Sugawara seemed content with Daichi being awake again, and Daichi was more than content with Suga not slapping him.

Suga was the one to break the silence first. He placed his hands down on the ground to help himself stand up. He then leaned over, extending his hand for the other to take. “I think that’s enough volleyball for one day,” he admitted.

“For once, I think I agree with you,” Daichi replied, lifting his hand to meet in Suga’s. His immediate thought was that his hands were soft, and once he was pulled up from the ground, he wasn’t quite sure that he wanted to let go. He told himself it was because he was still a bit dizzy from the event that had occurred less than ten minutes ago. That was a valid enough reason to not let his hand go. 

“Do you need me to walk you home?” Sugawara asked, looking down at their connected hands before sheepishly pulling his hand away. “You know, you still look a bit pale, I don’t trust you getting home on your own.” He determined, giving himself his own nod of reassurance as if that was the reason he was walking him home. 

Daichi paid no mind to the nod, shrugging a little. “I think I’d be fine getting home. That was just a weird situation.” He didn’t think he’d have any issues. The lightness had fallen from his head, he didn’t feel the heavy weight in his chest. He assumed that he’d be plenty fine, but Sugawara was the most stubborn person he knew, and there was a slim to none chance Daichi could talk him out of it. 

Sugawara went ahead and cleaned up the gym, forcing Daichi to sit on the bench and drink water instead of helping him. He sat on the bench quietly, taking small sips from his water bottle as his eyes scanned the male buzzing back and forth around the gym. He couldn’t help himself from smiling at the way that his nose crinkled as he accidentally dropped balls on the floor instead of in the basket. 

As Sugawara continued to take apart the gym, Daichi recalled a conversation he’d had with Asahi a couple of weeks prior: confession notes. They were walking down the hallway when they saw a girl placing a pastel pink envelope into Sugawara’s locker. Both the two of them seemed slightly shocked that Sugawara was receiving letters, even though Daichi had received more than one and Asahi had even gotten a few. That day at lunch before Sugawara arrived, the two of them brought it up to Michimiya. 

She had asked what the meant when they said they were surprised about him getting a letter. Quite frankly, she seemed just as shocked as the two of them, just for a different reason it seemed. 

“He’s pretty.” She replied instantly, sending a glare in both Asahi and Daichi’s direction, her stare seeming harsher towards Daichi. “He’s much prettier than either of you two, personality and appearance wise.” 

“What do you mean he’s pretty?” Daichi asked, taking a bite of his tonkatsu and rice. 

“You can’t see it?” She raised an eyebrow, seeing Asahi shrug meekly and Daichi tilting his head away.

“He’s just _pretty_. All of the girls fawn over his smile, and his beauty mark. He’s just cute. He’s the type of guy you would take back to your mom, unlike either of you!” She exclaimed, hitting Daichi on the head. “You two are judgemental and rude, questioning if your best friend is pretty.”

Their conversation came to a hurried end as Sugawara showed up. He was heavily apologizing for being late, going on about one of his teachers needing to give him an extra project or whatever. Quite frankly, Daichi hadn’t been paying attention to his words, rather paying attention to the way that his mouth moved. The slight curvature in his lips and the soft pink hue of his cheeks that almost matched the envelope of the confession. Pretty. Hm. 

Daichi had pushed that thought aside for the previous weeks, it didn’t seem important really. Girls saw him as pretty, and he supposed that their opinions weren’t wrong. He’d just seen Suga as Suga. Maybe it was just because he was the last thing he saw before he passed out and the first thing he saw when he woke up and he was going through some weird psychological imprinting type thing… But, he was slightly understanding what Michimiya meant. 

As Daichi daydreamed, Suga’s cleaning came to an end. “Oi, don’t fall asleep here. I’m not strong enough to lug your heavy body all the way back to your house.” Sugawara chimed as he gathered his belongings and replaced his gym shoes. 

“I’m not that heavy!” He huffed, replacing his shoes as well. He placed his water bottle in his bag and stood, meeting Sugawara halfway at the door. “Am I?” He asked, a bit quieter as the other stood by his side. 

That elicited a laugh from the shorter, flicking off the gym lights as he stepped outside. “I’m not sure. I’ve never carried you, but you’ve got more muscle than me, so…” he hummed softly. “Don’t take that as an invitation to carry you either! I’ve had enough of taking care of you today.”

“God, did your mother ever teach you manners? I’m ill or injured, or one of the two. You should be taking care of me, Suga.” He fluttered his eyelashes which caused Suga to gag. 

“I’m not your mom.” He punched the other’s arm, more than likely hard enough to leave a bruise on him. As a response, Daichi yelped and held his arm.

“You’re too cruel to be a mother.” He responded, rubbing at his arm. “Girls wouldn’t confess to you if they knew your violent tendencies. I’m surprised that I’ve lasted this long if I’m being honest.” 

Sugawara rolled his eyes into the back of his head. “Well, it’s a good thing I’ll never be one. And, their confessions don't really mean anything for me.” He shrugged as he adjusted the bag around his shoulder. “Sure, they’re nice to get and they’re flattering, but I’d never really take any of them up on their offers.”

“Why’s that?” He asked, somewhat invested in his love life. He’d known Suga for a year and a half now, but the two of them had never really discussed crushes or relationships for the matter. Whenever they saw confession letters slip out from their lockers, they always shifted their gaze as if it was some taboo subject that the two of them were sworn not to talk about. 

“I’m seventeen.” He said softly, his gaze forward on the sidewalk. “I’m not ready to find a girl or whoever to settle down with right now. You know? I’m sure you read all those confessions eagerly so you can get that perfect wife to go in your perfect house and sit in your perfect rocking chairs.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets, kicking a pebble.  
“Well-” Daichi began. Sugawara raised his hand up from his pocket, making the gesture for him to stop talking before he started spiraling down a path he shouldn’t. 

“Don’t. Daichi. I’m not saying that that kind of future is bad or anything- or that looking for someone to be with right now is wrong, but, I guess I’m just a little different. Unconventional if you will.” He set his hand back in his pocket and left the pebble behind him. Sometimes he felt like he and Daichi were on separate sides of the world. Daichi lived such a mundane, typical life, while Sugawara lived in the moment. He didn’t want to be ordinary, not like Daichi seemed to want. He praised normality. 

They walked in silence for another few moments. Daichi’s palms had grown sweaty, his actions felt uneasy. It seemed like Sugawara was frustrated with him for whatever reason, but the reality was that he hadn’t even given him a chance to speak. 

“Suga?” 

“Yeah, Daichi?”

“Are you mad at me?” 

“Mad?” The male scoffed, leaning his head back as a laugh slipped past his lips. His eyes closed as he smiled. He couldn’t help but smile. God, Daichi. The big, stupid brick wall. “No, I’m not mad at you.” 

“Are you serious?” He asked as he leaned forward, trying to catch some look at his face. He was laughing and smiling? Was he supposed to be laughing and smiling? “This? You?”

“You’re so boring, Daichi.” He spoke matter of factly, “You’re so obsessed with normality. Why would you want that?” Sugawara turned his head, trying not to smile at him. Daichi was so incredibly stupid. So incredibly mundane and boring. “Why would you want to live a life that everyone lives. You’re so keen on standing out here and making yourself look good for future universities, but here you are claiming you want to work some awful office job and live in a caddy corner house with a girl that looks like everyone’s cousin and _rocking chairs_.” 

Daichi just stared at him. His mouth felt dry and his body felt fatigued. Suga had just plowed right through all of the plans he thought he’d wanted for so long and called them all stupid. He did seem to have a point, even if Daichi never wanted to officially admit it. He didn’t want to say that everything he thought he wanted was dumb and normal, because that just... Cruel?

“Sorry,” he inhaled sharply, straightening out his back. “That was harsh, I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“No, you’re not wrong.” He replied, shrugging as he stopped walking. “You’re right. I don’t understand how you live so freely. You haven’t even thought about what happens after we graduate. Even Asahi has thought about that sort of stuff. I’m so confused by you. I just- I’m envious of your ability to live without a single care in the world.”  
“I’ve just accepted myself. I’m capable of what I’m capable of, and that’s that. I’m happy with what I have and who I have it with. I don’t need to worry about the future because I’m happy here.” Sugawara looked down at the sidewalk, kicking his left foot with his right foot. He didn’t necessarily like the fact that Daichi had stopped walking, it made him feel like he was getting caught in some sort of trap.

“How do you accept yourself?” He asked.

“I’m not your therapist, Daichi. I’m not supposed to solve your problems for you.” Suga sighed softly, looking up at the other. “That’s something for you to figure out yourself.” 

“What did you accept about yourself? That made it all easier?”

“You’re really prying, aren’t you? Geez. Makes me feel like I’m being interrogated or something.” He scratched the back of his neck with uncertainty. It was an easy statement. Three simple words, that was all. Then again, he and Daichi hadn’t known each other for very long, and yes, he trusted him, but he wasn’t sure that Daichi held that same level of trust. 

“Whatever it is, you can tell me, you know. We’re best friends. Why aren’t you comfortable sharing?”

“You’re so.. God.” Sugawara squeezed his hands together in an attempt to make sense of the feeling he had inside of him. “You’re an idiot and you’re dense and clueless and even if I’ve been trying to tell you for months it doesn’t ever seem to work out because you’re a big,” his hand pushed against Daichi’s chest, “stupid,” another push and another step forward, “brick wall.” He huffed, clenching the fabric of Daichi’s shirt. 

“Suga?” Of course, he was now uncertain and rethinking all of his life decisions. It seemed fitting for him. Daichi always seemed to feel clueless and questionable around Suga. He always rethought what he assumed was right and wrong. Daichi saw things in a new color with Suga. 

“Just shut up, please.” Suga released his shirt as he took a step backward. “I’m gay.”

Oh. He exhaled slowly, looking at the other’s expression. He boisterous boy he knew was quiet and shy, reserved and afraid. Did he think that he was going to attack him or something for being gay? Daichi wasn’t a monster or anything like that. 

“How does that make you live in the present?” Daichi asked simply, trying to break away from the subject. 

“Are you--?” Sugawara seemed bewildered. “I’m going home. I think you’re more than capable of getting back to your house.” He tried to adjust his shoulder strap again, feeling a bit uncomfortable again. He was so done with Daichi and his stupid questions and his stupid everything. He was confused, torn, and quite heated. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, and at the same time, he wasn’t sure what he wanted Daichi to say. He turned and started walking in the opposite direction.

Of course, there was a part of him that wanted Daichi to say that he liked him and was curious about pursuing a relationship. But, Suga had told Daichi flat out that he wasn’t looking for any of that. He didn’t read half of the confession letters that he got and he figured that it would be better to just ignore everything that he felt in his chest until he got home.

There was no need for him to feel upset. He wasn’t upset, he was just confused. He’d told Daichi his truth, he’d tried to convey the message he wanted to convey but he’d be forever involved with a big, stupid brick wall and there was nothing that he could do about that. 

“Sugawara,” Daichi’s voice seemed somewhat wretched as if he was desperate for Suga to turn around and look at him. But he was tired and there didn’t seem to be a point in turning around and dealing with the other’s incessant questions about his sexuality. He didn’t want to be treated as if he was some animal at the zoo and Daichi was here to study him, poke and prod at him like some little experiment to see if he had a thing for guys as well. 

“Yes, Daichi?” He asked. 

The words seemed to leave his mouth before he was able to properly understand them himself. “Can I kiss you?” 

Suga’s breath hitched. He licked his lips, the burning temptation for him to say yes itching on his tongue. “Why, Daichi?” 

He didn’t have the answer to why he just had the desire to do so. He just wanted to kiss him. He wanted to cup his cheeks and press a gentle kiss to those curved lips. He wanted to run his hand through that nearly grey hair and brush it away from his eyes as he felt Suga’s arms wrap around his waist, maybe even hold onto his shirt. He just wanted that. There was the ache in his chest to kiss him.

“I’m not an experiment, Daichi. I’m not here to be your gay awakening. I’m a person. I’m not here to just so that you can branch off from the home of normal that you’ve created. I’m not. I refuse to stoop that low.” Sugawara turned to face him, shaking his head. “Please don’t do this to me.”

“You’re pretty.” He spoke quietly, his words still a bit uncertain. He wasn’t sure what else to say. Sugawara _was_ pretty. He was gorgeous and pretty and had the most charming smile he had ever seen. Sugawara was light and airy and Daichi thought that he looked like an angel the second he peered over him when he’d passed out on the floor. 

“You’re really pretty,” Daichi took a step forward. “You have this smile that makes my heart stop when it’s directed at me. You make me feel so uneasy when you give me that teasing look. It drives me crazy because I’ve never been able to pinpoint where I stand with you. When I was lying in my bed that one day and we started talking about the future I just.. I just wanted to feel what you felt. I wanted to understand and just be you Suga.” He paused. “I can’t be you, I know that, but I want to understand you, I want to be immersed in you. I want to see you in the ways that my heart has wanted for what's seemed like ages, I just couldn’t connect those dots until now.”

“You’re so cheesy and stupid.” Sugawara licked his lips again, shaking his head as the male came closer to him. “Do you really think that doing a half-ass confession which doesn’t even seem like a real confession is going to allow you to kiss me?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I hope?” 

“Are you going to break my heart like every other girl you talk to?” He asked quietly, the meek Suga returning, the bold, brave Suga falling behind the curtain once again. He wasn’t sure what to say anymore. If he let him kiss him, he opened up a whole world of opportunities, but there was still the uncertainty that the decision he made would bite him in the ass. 

There was no winning.

Sugawara spoke before Daichi could put out another blubbering reply about how he'd never hurt Suga and blah blah blah. The idea that Daichi would hurt him without even realizing it was a real concern, but he'd been given the opportunity to do something he'd wanted to do for the past eight months and there was time to fix a broken heart later. “Yes,” he replied to Daichi's question. 

It only took Daichi a moment of hesitation before his one arm was wrapped around Suga's waist and the other was cupping his cheek. Sugawara was shorter than him by only a couple of centimeters, but it felt so natural to just lean down and press his lips to the other's. 

Daichi didn't have too much experience when it came to kissing. He’d had his fair share of primary school girlfriends who tried to kiss him but he refused. He thought kissing meant they would get married, and oh the irony now. In secondary school, he'd ‘dated’ Michimiya. They went on dates to the local shopping district and Daichi would buy her sweets. They kissed for the first time outside of Michimiya's house. He was only a peck, but at least he had some sort of primary experience. 

He and Michimiya were just awkward individuals, because the one time Daichi tried to be smooth and French kiss her, she recoiled back in disgust. They tried it again a day or so after and then Michimiya broke up with him. It was childish and stupid, but he was thankful for those experiences in the moment. 

It was Sugawara that pulled him from his past and straight into the present. His hand coiled into his shirt, giving a harsh tug at it to pull him further downward. The other hand smoothed around his neck, holding the back of it gently. 

Sugawara's lips were slightly chapped, more than likely due to the changing seasons, but nonetheless soft. His hands were warm against his skin as their lips moved in time together.

Daichi was the first to signal to go further. His mouth opened slightly, his tongue reaching out to carefully glide across the other's bottom lip, asking for permission for them to continue. Sugawara didn’t protest, allowing the other into his mouth. 

There was a part of him that was nervous about Suga reacting the same way that Michimiya did, but he took his time. He slid his tongue into the other's mouth, exploring the newly heated area. His tongue flicked against the other's, almost coaxing it to come back into Daichi. It seemed as if his plan had worked, Sugawara's tongue following Daichi's own. 

Suga's hand slowly began to smooth the fabric of his shirt, trying to get the wrinkles out of it as their mouths were focused elsewhere. Daichi could have cared less, but he wasn't going to complain about Suga's hand running against his chest. He would never.

His lungs slowly but surely started screaming for air, causing him to back away from the other. Suga’s eyes stayed closed for longer than his, giving Daichi the ability to see his pupils wide as he opened them. 

The two shared a soft smile, words not needed to express the feelings they had. Daichi’s heart felt like it was racing, he considered the fact that he was lightheaded again and he might pass out, but it was more the feeling of relief than anything else. 

Sugawara's cheeks were flushed a much darker pink than the color of that stupid confession letter. He laughed softly, exhaling as he slowly took his hands off of Daichi. He was clearly nervous. 

Was that his first kiss?

“Um.,” Daichi spoke softly, his hands still around the other. He wondered if once he took his hands off the feeling would linger in Suga like it was on him.

“I should get going,” he replied as Daichi's hands came back to his sides. “It's getting late and my mom is probably worried about me.” 

“Wouldn't want her coming after the two of us, pulling us home by the ears,” Daichi replied, a soft grin sliding over his face. 

“No, no we wouldn't.” He laughed softly again, running a hand through his hair as he tried to regather himself mentally. His brain was flying at a million miles per hour, and he wasn't the feelings in his chest would settle any time soon. “Goodnight, Daichi. Get home safe.”

“You too. Text me when you get back, okay?”

“I will. See you tomorrow.”

Daichi watched Suga walk away for a little, admiring the way that his hand fiddled with his bag in attempts to do something with it. He adored the way that his other hand rubbed the back of his neck, probably in an attempt to cover the redness and make it back to a normal color.

‘Pretty’ Daichi said to himself.

\---

By the time he got home, he could still feel the warmth of Suga's hands on his body. Even though the feeling was somewhat appreciated, he would have much rather had the real Suga on him rather than a figment. 

He still felt light and airy, he wanted to kiss Suga again, he wanted to hold his waist a bit tighter and let his hand run over the soft skin of his collarbone. It was weird, never once had he felt like this with any other person. Yes, he'd had his crushes, but even then nothing felt as good as it felt right then, right after kissing Suga.

He quickly removed his shoes and placed his bags away before heading to the bathroom for a second shower. It was all Suga's fault, he reasoned as he stripped out from his t-shirt that was still wrinkled in the front. 

He turned on the water and waited for it to warm as he stripped out of the remaining articles of clothing, letting them pool on the floor as he stepped inside the shower. 

God. Did that really happen? Daichi was still in awe to it all. He’d never considered Suga anything but a friend until he saw him standing there with the streetlamps shining down on him. He could have sworn that he had tunnel vision back then, only able to see the curves in his lips, the slight part of them as Suga tried to come up with the proper words. 

The way that his cheeks flushed, the way that his tongue came back into his own. 

_Oh_.

Maybe it was wrong of him to think about Suga like that. After all, they'd just kissed. There was nothing more to it, there was no label attached to them. It was just a kiss. 

But the hot water that pressed into Daichi said otherwise. The feeling of it somewhat similar to the burning heat of Suga's palms on him. God, Suga. 

Daichi could easily imagine the heat of the water across his skin as Suga's moving hands. He could easily picture his hands running over his shoulders, pressing gently into his shoulder blades, rubbing gentle circles into the skin to release the tension. He could feel his hands in his hair, grasping onto it as if his life depended on it.

He let his hand slip down his chest, the water following as his hand slowly wrapped around the base of his cock. 

He told himself that it was the hormones, that it was normal for him to feel this sort of way. It was normal to have his heart flutter as his hand slowly ran up and down his cock, biting back a noise he knew would get him caught. 

His thumb slowly pressed against his slit, causing him to bite his lip. _Fuck_. He could picture Suga right there with him, chuckling against his bare skin teasing him for being rock hard. He could feel the buzz of his lips against his skin, against his thighs as kisses trailed upward to the underside of his balls.

 _Oh fuck_. 

Daichi reached his free hand down past his one hand still carefully stroking himself. His fingers pressed against his balls, rolling them in his hands. Giving careful squeezes as his hips rolled forward into his hand. 

He let out a quiet gasp, a low string of curses coming from his mouth. His hips rolled forward into his hand again. He was losing his mind, wasn't he?

His thumb ran against his slit again, feeling warm beads of pre-come swelling from the head. He allowed his hand to gather some of it before rolling his hips back into his hands, the movement much smoother than before. 

He wondered what Suga did to get himself off. He wondered if he'd jacked off to the idea of Daichi touching him, kissing him. He wondered if Suga had thought about them going farther than that, he wondered how much of a crush Suga really had on him.

Daichi’s mind was flooded with the appearance of the other male. It was wrong for him to imagine those slightly chapped lips taking in the head of his cock. It was wrong for him to imagine his hips rolling into his mouth, fucking him slowly, the warmth of his mouth keeping his cock satisfied. 

It was oh so wrong for him to picture Suga staring up at him with those warm brown eyes with his cock buried inside his mouth. God, it was so wrong but it felt so good. Daichi's hand eagerly stroking his dick, his other hand squeezing his balls as he felt them tighten. 

He let out a short, muffled groan and he came into his hand, continuing to milk himself through his orgasm with long, slow strokes. He tried to catch his breath as he opened his eyes, staring down at his hand covered in the sticky substance instead of seeing Suga's face.

He was totally fucked up, wasn't he?

He quickly finished his shower, scrubbing at his body until his skin was numb and tingly in an attempt to rub off all of the shame he started to feel. Suga was his best friend, a friend that he had just kissed less than thirty minutes ago and now he was imagining him in such a lewd situation. 

He stepped out of the shower, shaking his head in partial disgust with himself as he looked over to check his phone. 

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Just wanted to let you know that I got home safe.

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Night, Daichi. 0:)

God, he was the worst, wasn't he? The little angelic emoticon at the end made Daichi feel like he had committed the worst of sins and that he was totally going to hell. Sugawara was probably confused and lonely after Daichi had kissed him and refused to put a label on his feelings, meanwhile, he was taking advantage of Suga being attracted to him.

He didn't think it was exactly like that. Maybe it was cheesy to say that Suga awoke some weird part of him that was attracted to guys, or maybe he had been gay all this time but was so focused on being normal that he hadn't even thought about it. When he really dug deep into his past he didn't see why he wanted to date Michimiya in the first place. At that time she didn't have feminine features, she had short hair and was flat chested. She didn't have a defined waist or anything like that.

Oh. 

That might have said a thing or two right there.

He pushed the strangely intrusive thoughts aside as he went to his room and changed. He needed to sleep on it, he needed to figure everything out soon so that he didn't compromise what he had with Suga. He owed it to him to figure this out on his own. Sugawara wasn't his mom and he wasn't his therapist. He wasn’t his experiment to toy with; he was human too.

\---

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
We need to talk.

There. Daichi had said it. The “we need to talk” text was always scary to begin with, but when Daichi sent it from his phone at three in the morning, their stakes seemed to be up. It wasn’t his fault for sending it in the middle of the night, it was just... He couldn’t sleep.

He rolled from side to side, pushing the covers on and off trying to wrap his mind around the situation. He’d pushed Suga into a corner and he knew that. He knew that it was wrong of him to play with his feelings, toy with them for his own satisfaction because he had nothing to lose. Suga, on the other hand, had a lot to lose.

Suga had been attempting to express his feelings to him for so long, and the moment he admitted it Daichi didn’t want to do anything but kiss him. He didn’t want to listen to him ramble about his feelings, he didn’t want to think, he just wanted to do.

And now that he had all the ‘doing’ done with, he had to get to the thinking part of it.

It sucked.

He let out a soft groan, running his hand through his hair as he stared up at the popcorn ceiling. Tracing out that treasure map that would lead him to what he always wanted, or, what he thought he’d always wanted. 

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Oh?

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Getting a text from you at 3 in the morning is one thing, but getting a ~we need to talk text~ is almost too much. A little too intense for the time of day, if you ask me.

He had a hard time choosing if he was being sarcastic or not, all the while trying to decide why on earth Sugawara was up at three am. He assumed that he had more homework than he admitted and he was hunched over his desk with his lamp turned on scribbling down phrases for their English class. He could picture him sighing in relief seeing a text from Daichi, only to go rigid again as he read the contents of the message.

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
I just couldn’t stop thinking

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Yeah, you tend to think a lot…

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
I’m serious. I wanted to apologize.

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
Oof. Apologizing over text too. Daichi, when will you learn that there are things you should text people and things you shouldn’t?

Daichi wanted to fall through his bed and onto the floor below him. He was dying, and Sugawara wasn’t loosening the grip on his neck. He was struggling to come up with the proper words to tell him, and Sugawara really wasn’t giving him any time to collect his thoughts before throwing him under _another_ bus. 

[To: Sugawara Koushi]  
Can I call you, then?

Even though he didn’t like the idea of calling him, he needed to make him feel comfortable. Maybe he’d be amused by the shakiness in his voice and the hesitance he had as he attempted to form phrases. He could picture Sugawara looking down at his English homework, smiling softly as he listened to his rambling. Maybe he’d picture it endearing instead of annoying. 

[Received From: Sugawara Koushi]  
If you want.

He wasn’t going to be easy on him, was he?

Of course not. It was Sugawara after all.

Daichi paused as he stared at his phone, hovering his finger over the little telephone that would call the other. It was three am. It was three am, Daichi.

He told himself he didn’t care and let his thumb press the telephone, creating a call that would join the other together. He turned it on speakerphone, setting his phone beside his head as he listened to the soft ringing tones, waiting for the other to pick up.

It took four and a half rings for Suga to pick up. Four and a half agonizing rings that were interrupted with Suga’s soft laugh. 

“Daichi, you do realize what time it is, right?” He asked quietly, more than likely to keep his mother from waking up. He was always concerned about her, making sure she was getting the proper sleep she needed.

“Three in the morning is the perfect time to talk about problems.” _I’m not your therapist. I’m not your mom._ The words echoed in his head as he rubbed his eyes, sighing softly. “I’m sorry for calling you this late.”

“Mm, I’m not exactly sure what you wanted to apologize for, but for some reason, I don’t think it’s waking me up and calling me.” He replied.

Ah, so he was asleep.

Daichi sighed again, letting his hand fall back onto his pillow. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was wrong of me to take advantage of your feelings like that. You said you didn’t want to be an experiment, I mean, you literally said that, and you said that you didn’t want me to break your heart like with girls- and side note I don’t think I’ve ever broken any hearts because no one’s ever told me about it... And..”

“ _Daichi_ ,” Sugawara’s voice was amused on the other side of the phone. It was clear he was getting a ruse out of his rambling, “I know what I said, and I still let it happen, didn’t I?”

He could hear a bit of rustling on the other side of the line. He guessed the other was sitting up before he heard the other’s voice again.

“I wouldn’t have let you kiss me if I wasn’t aware of the consequences. I was just under the assumption that the two of us would repress it so far down that we’d just ignore it until we were thirty and laughed about it.” He chuckled softly; he was too happy for Daichi’s comfort. “I think there’s a part of you that just wants to give in to your temptations, and when it’s right there in front of you asking for it… You don’t want to say no.

“I guess that’s the whole thing with Adam and Eve, right? They give in to their temptations when they were told not to, then their whole world collapses and they can never have the eternal happiness that they were granted. Ignorance, in my case, would have been that eternal happiness.” Another pause. “But, in the moment I figured that it was worth getting hurt for that one little taste of temptation, so I did it. I don’t hold any negative feelings towards you, Daichi, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

He licked his lips, trying to figure out Suga’s tone. He was pretty good at reading his face after seeing his highs and lows during their first year, but hearing him laugh when talking about his feelings like that gave him a wary feeling. “I wasn’t concerned about that, I’m used to you always being mad at me for one thing or another. I was worried about you.”

“If you think I’m not capable of repressing feelings, you’re wrong. Clearly, it worked for several months without you having a clue, so.” Daichi could tell the other was furrowing his brow, a little frustrated with the other.

“How am I supposed to get over you?” He asked simply. His eyes closed, forgetting the popcorn ceiling. He wanted to see Suga’s face, see those soft features quirk in amusement to his rambling questions. 

It took Sugawara approximately ten seconds to come up with a response, Daichi counted. 

“You don’t have to get over someone you were never interested in.” He sighed. Daichi could imagine the other looking around his room, trying to find something to focus on. “Daichi, I don’t understand you. You say one thing, but your actions say otherwise. You’re the forbidden fruit.”

“Suga,” now he was the one sighing, “I’m not sure of my feelings right now.”

“I’m aware.”

“I wanted to kiss you again after you left tonight.”

Another longer pause. “I’m not going to be your gay awakening. I told you that. I’m not going to be the guy that has sex with you just to show you what it’s like and see if you’re really gay.”

“I wouldn’t do that--”

“Can I tell you what I really think?”

 _No_. “Yes.”

“I think that you’ve taken my idea of going against the norm too far. When I mocked it, you were hurt because you’d dreamed of it for so long, and now you have this subconscious desire to prove me wrong and show me that you’re not going to live that typical life. I’m not going to be your outlet into the abnormal for pettiness-”

“Maybe,” Daichi started, cutting the other off, “you caused me to look at things from a different perspective. Maybe I’ve been pushed since I was born to fit into this ideal structure: a perfect guy with the perfect wife, perfect house, and perfect job, and when you showed me that new light I was just enlightened. When you told me that I didn’t have to fit that mold and when you came out to me I just…”

“You had a surge of emotions that were reflected onto me. That’s all.” He finished his sentence for him, more rustling coming from the other side of the line. He was standing up, more than likely. 

“But what if it wasn’t just a surge?!” He exclaimed, a hysterical laugh coming from him. “Suga, I may be a stupid and dense sometimes but I know my own feelings. I know the feelings I have are genuine.”

“...”

“What are you doing right now?”

“D-doing right now?” He sputtered, clearly surprised with the gesture. “It’s three in the goddamn morning, Daichi. I should be sleeping.”

“Is your window unlocked?” 

“Unlocked--?!” He raised his voice, quickly becoming aware of how loud he was being. “Unlocked?!” He exclaimed in a quieter tone, “Daichi I swear to god I will punch you so hard that you’ll get a concussion and you’ll fall one story down to my yard--”

Normally, he’d be terrified of Suga’s threats, absolutely terrified. But in this case, he had a point to prove and Suga had told him way back when that if he was going to be the future captain of Karasuno that he couldn’t let Sugawara put him into a melted pool of ice cream. He had a point to prove and whether Suga pushed him out of his window or not, there was still a shot.

Daichi hung up the phone quickly, throwing his phone into his sweatpants pocket as he threw together a bag of things that he might need. He really needed to grab duct tape to keep Suga from screaming at him, but instead, he grabbed his school uniform and his backpack because whether he liked it or not the school day was approaching quickly and he had a feeling he’d be leaving from Suga’s house to school.

The walk to Suga’s house wasn’t a long one, but God the longer he walked, the more common sense he began to gain. He was absolutely terrified that the other was going to shove him out his window and he was going to have to explain to the whole volleyball team that he broke his leg harassing Sugawara. Yikes. He’d be fine, right. Yeah. Of course. 

To his absolute surprise, the window to Suga’s room was wide open. This meant either one of two things: Sugawara was going to hear him out and listen to him, or he was literally going to shove him back out the window the second he tried to come in. He did have to try, though, he’d die trying to reach out to Sugawara. 

The first thing he saw after climbing up the side of Suga’s house and through his window was dim lighting. The main lights were off but he had the soft, almost yellow desk light on. The next thing he saw was Sugawara sitting on his bed as pale as could be. He wore a white shirt that was a little too big for him, not big enough to drape off his shoulder, but enough to gape in the front. He was sitting criss-cross, his hands bunched into his shirt. He looked more worried than mad. 

Daichi set his bag down by the window and removed his shoes. He didn’t feel the need to say anything, instead just sitting on the other side of the bed. He was wearing a grey-t-shirt in contrast, his sweats hanging low on his waist as he tried to make the scenario comfortable. 

There was a clear tension in the air. It was possible that it was due to the fact that it was three in the morning on a school night and Daichi had kept Suga up for far too long, or maybe it was because of the conversation they’d had before. Daichi wasn’t for certain. Suga looked drained either way, though. 

“Koushi,” Daichi was the first to speak, quietly as to not wake the boy's mom.

“Don’t use my first name,” he replied, his expression turning into one similar to a glare. Oh. He was angry.

“I’m sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck with his left hand, his right hand feeling the soft fabric of Suga’s blankets. 

“You’re selfish,” he replied hastily, standing up. He walked across the room, bare feet padding against the floor. “You’re selfish, stupid, absolutely insane!” He yelled in a whisper. “Coming to my house at three in the morning, climbing through my window to say what, you’re sorry?!” He combed his hands through his hair, his back faced to Daichi. “You’re ridiculous. I can’t even put into words how mad I am at you.

“I’m so-- You-- Oh my god!” He continued, tugging at the strands of his hair before letting his arms fall to his side with a clap. “What part of ‘do not show up at my house and climb through my window’ do you not understand?” He turned around swiftly, sending him a glare that chilled Daichi straight to the bone.

“Six months, Daichi. I’ve been content with our situation for six months and here you come trying to be the hero of your own personal narrative. Some people don’t need to be saved, Daichi. Some people are content without you meddling in their personal business!” 

He stared up at the other, those large brown eyes staring into his soul leaving him bare and exposed. Daichi could see Suga’s hands shake, his lip quiver. 

“Don’t.” He raised his hand up to stop Daichi from coming towards him. “I don’t need you as my hero. Yes, of course, there was a part of me that was hoping that you’d be attracted to guys, more specifically me, and then we’d go about our daily lived and just be able to be content with each other as something more than friends but goddamn it Daichi.” He bit his lip.

“Let me talk.” Daichi stood quickly, his voice stern. It was harsh enough to get Suga to finally stop his rambling, his hands squeezed into fists. Once Suga was quiet, Daichi finally spoke up. “I’m sorry that I came to your house at three in the morning and climbed through your window when you told me not to. I apologize for not listening to you, but I could just tell that you weren’t okay through the phone. I’m more than aware that you’re content with ignorance, but I’m not.

“I want to know how you really feel and what you really want. If you want me to leave, I will. I promise you if you want me to leave after we finish talking I will. I swear. But, Sugawara, I’m dying to stay here. My whole life I’ve had a predetermined outcome for my future and you just turned that idea completely on its head. When you showed me that I don’t have to live that cookie-cutter life,” he ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the words to say. It was something so cliche, he felt stupid even trying to find the proper words to tell him. 

“I-” He pressed his lips together, trying to understand the look on Suga’s face. He looked torn, like he was swelling with anger but also overjoyed with some sort of happiness. Suga’s cheeks were reddened, his eyes slightly pink from staying up for far too long. His knuckles were pale compared to the freckled skin of his arm. Daichi wanted to reach out and hold it. 

“What, Daichi?” He looked at him, trying to keep himself as composed as possible. “You became a new person and realized you loved me?” He let off a stream of air in amusement, almost bitterly. “You realized that your one and only prince charming was standing right in front of you this whole time, disguised in peasant's clothing?”  
“Yes.” He exhaled slowly, his shoulders releasing from their tight position. “You can hate me all you want, you can push me and shove me and throw me out of your window but I’m infatuated with you. You don’t understand how I felt yesterday. Your touches lingered on my skin for way too long; I could still feel my lips buzzing after we’d left each other; I swear my heart has sputtered at least once in the past five minutes because I’ve been able to look at you up close.” 

Sugawara’s face became unreadable, he was a blank canvas with no sort of expression. Daichi felt the need to go out and reach for him, bring him back down to reality, but he knew it would end up doing more harm than good. These were his decisions to make, Daichi had put all of his feelings on the table and there was no going back, there was going out the window though (which wasn’t his first choice).

“You’re…” Suga murmured under his breath, the other practically unable to hear him. “You’re..”

He stepped forward, “A big,” he sent a harsh punch to his arm.

“Stupid.” He pressed his fist into Daichi’s chest right below his collarbone before he gripped onto the fabric of his t-shirt, twisting it tightly.

“Brick wall.” He huffed, pushing the other backward. Daichi stumbled back, falling onto the bed with a soft thud. Suga’s eyes tore directly through the male below him., his nails pressed tightly into the palms of his hands hard enough that Daichi thought they may start to bleed.

Everything went silent as their eye contact continued. Daichi wanted to speak, he wanted to bring Sugawara back down to their state of reality but he’d already pushed him this far. He didn’t want to see him cry, he’d much rather Suga punch him again and again and again then to see him cry. 

“You know, some say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” Suga said quietly, his eyes finally pulling away from Daichi’s soul to gaze out the window. “So why on earth would I keep running into this brick wall if I can’t knock it over?” Crescent-shaped marks could be seen in Suga’s hands as he let himself relax a little. 

Daichi swallowed, “You’ll never knock it down if you stop hitting at it.” It was the only thing he possibly say that would somehow make up for his actions. There was a piece of him that had some faith that Suga would come back to him, that he would melt into his arms like he did hours before. Daichi would be able to hold him tightly this time, keep him close and never let him go. 

Sugawara let out a tiny snort. “Are you just asking me to hit you?” His gaze swayed back nervously to Daichi who had extended his hand forward for the other to take. 

“If you forgive me and let me make it up to you, absolutely. Hit me as much as you want.” He insisted, giving a firm nod to the other with a look of steel. It was clear that the words he said were words laced with promise. Suga couldn’t refute that Daichi never broke a promise. 

Slowly but surely, Sugawara leaned forward, his hand reaching out to slowly grasp Daichi’s. Their fingers intertwined one by one, Daichi’s rough calloused hand squeezing Suga’s precious hand. Even though the gesture was small, he could see a glint of joy in the shorter’s eyes. 

Daichi was far too lucky to have Suga in his life. He was far too lucky to be holding Suga’s hand as he meandered into the bed quietly. He knew he was pushing his luck when the other went and sat beside him, and he was at a loss for words when the other allowed him to run his free hand through his hair as well as press a kiss to his head. He was blessed by an angel. An angel that happened to be named Sugawara Koushi.

The two of them shifted slightly. Daichi moved closer towards the wall as he laid down, allowing Suga to take up a majority of the bed. He deserved it after all of the mess he’d created. 

Sugawara sighed softly, pulling the sheet over top of the two of them before he leaned his head into the pillow and closed his eyes. He was beyond exhausted, emotionally and physically drained from the day they’d had. He didn’t seem to need words to get Daichi to start pressing gentle kisses to his face. 

The feeling was beyond calming. Daichi’s one had wrapped around his waist in an almost protective manner while his lips moved from his forehead to his temple, down to his cheek. He gently pressed a kiss to his lips, capturing the other’s with his own. 

It was clear that Sugawara was somewhat hazy, but his lips moved back against the other’s with a gentle passion. Daichi was more than content with this, letting the two of them unwind, relax after the mess he’d made. 

He’d clean it up. He’d clean up every mess as long as he got to see Suga at the end of it all. 

“Daichi,” Sugawara murmured against his lips. His eyes fluttered open to meet Daichi’s. Brown eyes against brown eyes. Suga’s hand cupped Daichi’s cheek, his thumb smoothing over the soft stubble that he was growing. He was already growing facial hair? What an old man. 

Daichi immediately pulled back, afraid that he was pushing the other too far. He was fearful that he was going to take advantage of him again. “Yeah? Everything okay?” 

“You’ve aged me five years in the span of twenty minutes.” He mumbled quietly, “I don’t know if my poor heart will recover.” 

“Oh.” Daichi chuckled softly, his thumb circling his hip carefully like he was afraid of breaking him. “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you? Get you water or something?” If he was gifted with gentle hands like the latter he’d give him a massage. 

“Can you just kiss me, again?” He asked calmly. “Makes me feel calm.” 

“I’m glad that’s how it makes you feel,” he hummed, squeezing his hip playfully as he leaned forward. He was more than happy to spend his early morning pressing affectionate kisses over his face. After this whole mess, Daichi wasn't in the position to say no, either. 

Daichi pressed individual pecks to the male's lips before gradually deepening the kiss. It was easy, natural. From the time he kissed him outside of the gym to now showed no difference. Suga’s lips were still chapped, yet somehow addicting. 

There did happen to be the new flavor of mint as his tongue lazily reached out to run across Suga's lower lip. Daichi's hand instinctively held his hip a big tighter as he drew the other closer to him.

Sugawara didn’t protest, he allowed his hand to curl into the back of Daichi's short hair as he opened his mouth. His fingers idly played with the short strands, subconsciously drawing the other's head closer to his own.

Daichi's tongue carefully worked its way into the other's mouth, taking his time to appreciate every moment. His tongue carefully enveloped the other's, coaxing Suga's into his own mouth. There was no need for rushing, no need to force anything.

Suga didn't seem to need much to agree. He carefully ran his tongue over the roof of Daichi's mouth, wantonly exploring a little longer before letting himself retreat. 

Oh, he was playing that game, was he?

The brown haired male's hand applied a little pressure to Suga's hip bone as he leaned forward again, slowly beginning to suck on the other's tongue, causing a low whine to slip past the two of them.

The next time Daichi opened his eyes, he could see Suga's flushed cheeks thanks to the lamp illuminating the other half of the room. He leaned over, pressing pecks to the skin of his cheeks as he murmured “You're blushing.”

“When someone starts sucking on and grabbing at you I think that's a pretty natural response, dimwit,” he replied with a bit of a pout seeing as though Daichi pulled away. There was no doubt that he was exhausted, but his heart seemed to be beating faster and he loved the way Daichi felt against himself.

“You look beautiful,” he replied quietly as his kisses moved from his cheek down to his jaw. He couldn't help that the other's blush had spread further than his cheeks, down past his jaw to his neck. He'd just given himself the job of kissing all the tinted skin and there seemed to be more appearing by the minute. 

A soft breath escaped Suga's lips as the other kissed his jaw, his eyes pinched closed for a minute. It felt good, the feeling of his lips still lingering on his cheeks as he moved further down his face. “Dai-chi.”

“Do you want me to stop? I'll stop.” Daichi immediately recoiled as the other said his name. He knew that he was pushing his luck and he never wanted to do something the other didn't wanted. He just wanted to treat him well, apologize for his previous actions with new ones.

Suga shook his head, opening his eyes to stare at the other's face. The yellow lamp warmed his features, making him appear more tan than he really was. “What are your intentions?” He asked simply.

Daichi pressed another kiss to his jaw. “To make you feel good, to apologize and just let you relax,” he replied as he pressed another careful kiss to his skin. He had worked his way up his jaw and pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear.

The answer seemed to satisfy Suga because he had no further qualms. He didn't question him any further, instead, tilting his head to the side to give the other a bit more room. 

He didn't know when it happened, but the next thing Daichi was coherent enough to remember was that he was on top of Suga. His one hand still held his hip, his other arm more occupied with holding himself up to keep him from crushing the other. 

His lips had moved from his ear down his neck, listening to the other to see where exactly things felt good. When he heard the other let out a short gasp, his mouth stayed put.

His tongue carefully licked over the spot, his eyes flickering up to his face to check his expression before biting at the skin. Thankfully the spot was low on his neck, nearly covered from the t-shirt Suga had on. 

Daichi flicked his tongue back against the spot to soothe it after the bite, then slowly began to suck on it. He heard Suga whine as his hips raised ever so slightly from beneath him. 

When he was satisfied with his work, he pulled back to see a soft red mark on the skin. He was more than sure blue and purple would come to it later, but for the meantime his thoughts went back to Suga.

‘How can I make him feel good?’ he thought to himself. 

“What do you want, Suga?” he mumbled quietly against his skin as he pressed kisses to his collarbone. His hand slipped up past his shirt, feeling the smoothness of his skin at his waist.

Sugawara shivered, more than likely due to the sudden cold from Daichi's hand on his skin. “That-” he exhaled slowly, pushing his head back into the pillow as he felt Daichi sucking another mark below his collarbone, his thumb rubbing circles into his hip. 

Daichi could feel the other's briefs as he let his thumb brush against his shorts. His mind almost started to wonder about what Suga looked like beneath those shorts. 

Sure, he'd seen him shirtless all the time. He knew that he had freckles and moles covering the pale skin of his back and chest. There was apart of him that wondered if it was no different below his waistband.

“Daichi,” Sugawara keened, his hips pushed upward into the male's hand. His voice easily brought the other back to reality, back to where he belonged. “I- you don't know how much I've thought about this.” he swallowed harshly as Daichi pulled at the fabric of his loose shirt to give him more space to mark. 

“Me too,” he replied simply, thinking back to last just hours ago when he was in the shower. Of course he was thinking about those actions onto himself, but giving Suga the pleasure that he deserved was something he was more than happy doing.

He'd keep kissing Suga until his lips were bruised and swollen. He'd keep kissing him until his brain stopped. He'd keep kissing him until Sugawara told him to stop.

As soon as Daichi couldn't stretch the t-shirt any further, he pushed the fabric up from the hand he had on his hip. His hand ran against his side as he pulled the shirt up to reveal his stomach and chest.

Freckles and moles, they were like the treasure map Daichi had tried to craft on his ceiling. They traveled around the skin with no direct pattern and there seemed to be no end. “God, Suga,” he shook his head, slightly in shock, as he pressed a kiss to his chest. 

Suga bit his lip as he felt a new hand slowly brush across his nipple. He shuddered as the fingers began to roll it, letting out a quiet sound of enjoyment. 

That was all Daichi needed to let his mouth cover it, sucking and nibbling on it gently. 

The other male sank into the mattress, a steady moan slipping from his lips as the other ran his tongue against the hardening nipple. “Daichi,” he groaned as he tried to roll his hips forward, seeking some sort of friction. “I want- Can you-” he scrunched his eyebrows together in mixed bliss and frustration. 

“What do you want, Suga?” he asked as he popped off his nipple, his breath taken away at the sight of the other's face.

God he was absolutely beautiful. His head was thrown to the side, his cheek stained pink as his lips were a dark red color. His eyes were squeezed shut as his breathing increased. His hair wasn't as put together as it normally was. 

His neck had a collection of hickies, all that were low enough to be covered by a shirt or the collar of their uniform. He was pleased with himself, seeing how his nipples hardened as Daichi touched them.

“Touch me-” he finally let out with a quiet whine seeing that the other had stopped his actions completely. “Please just touch me.” 

Daichi suddenly became stuck with nerves at the request. Sure, he'd touched himself plenty, hell, he'd touched himself hours ago with Suga in mind. The thought of touching Suga, though, was different. 

He nodded, tugging the sheet off of the two of them as he shifted his way down Suga's body. He figured that he could repay him in the way Daichi wanted most.

His right hand reached past the shorts and waistband of his briefs, feeling the softness of his skin as his hand reached to find what he wanted. 

_Oh_. 

Sugawara had beat him to it as he let out a gentle whimper. Daichi's hand had found his cock, mostly hard in his hand. 

He almost froze, thinking about what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it. He bit his lip as his hand slowly started moving up and down his shaft with feather like motions, causing the other to stir positively. 

Suga used his hand to cover his mouth, more than aware that the noises he started to make were more than above a whisper level. He told himself not to roll up into Daichi's warm palm, and he tried, but the longer his hands moved slowly against his skin the longer he couldn't take it.

“Daichi--” he rolled his hips upward into his hand to get a bit of friction. He was moving ridiculously slow for his comfort and sanity.

He took the opportunity of him rolling his hips to tug his shorts and his boxers down past his hips and onto his legs. Suga shivered as he became fully exposed, his bare body being viewed by Daichi without remorse.

Maybe it seemed silly to say, but Suga was pretty. He had a pretty cock that was flushed and red at the tip. It wasn't overly large or small, average but god he was stunning to Daichi.

He'd never sucked dick before, but he'd watched enough videos online and pictured it enough in his head to get the rough idea of what he had to do.

His lips slowly trailed kisses from Suga's hipbone to his groin, then he slowly kissed the other's cock, one kiss after the other until his mouth was on his head.

The other male moaned, covering his mouth with his hand again as he felt the male's mouth sink onto his cock. He felt like he was going to explode. 

Daichi carefully let his tongue roll around the head of his cock before he took more of the other in. He began sucking slowly, trying to get himself used to the feeling as his hand stroked what wasn't in his mouth.

Suga cried out in pleasure, tipping his head backwards roughly into the pillow below him. “Daichi- _oh_ , yes, God-” The simple warmth of Daichi's mouth was almost too much for him to handle in itself. When Daichi started sucking him off and touching him at the same time, he couldn't stop himself from moaning.

Sugawara was ridiculously beautiful, Daichi concluded as his eyes flicked upward to stare at the other's crumbling composure. He hadn't felt like he was doing much, but he supposed that it was a first time for both of them and he couldn't say he wasn't enjoying it a bit too much either.

“So pretty, so beautiful,” he murmured as his mouth came off of his dick for a moment. His hand still stroked the other, letting his thumb press against his slit. He then slid the precome that welled at the tip downward into his shaft, flicking his wrist as he jacked him off.

“Ngh- I-” Suga was at a loss for words, his hand reaching down to tug roughly on Daichi's hair. He took that as an invitation to go back to sucking his dick.

As Daichi's mouth went back to work in Suga, his free hand slipped past the hem of his sweatpants and boxers, beginning to get himself off as well as Suga.

Fuck. He didn't actually realize how hard he was until he felt the stiffness of his cock against his hand. He stroked himself quickly, his mouth sucking harshly on the tip of Suga's dick and the rest of his hand jack off what he couldn't reach. Daichi moaned onto Suga's head, sending him spiraling. 

“I'm gonna come-” he groaned as he squeezed his eyes closed harder. It was only a few moments later that Daichi felt a warm, salty liquid on his tongue. He swallowed the come in his mouth, as he continued to suck on his cock.

Two seconds later Daichi was coming into his hand, struggling to keep the come in his mouth from spilling out as he moaned. 

Slowly, he came off Suga with a soft pop, the male's face red, his lips puffy. 

Suga had never seen anything more beautiful when he finally opened his eyes. He was dishevelled and messy but his cheeks were flushed with color and his hair was an absolute disaster. He looked gorgeous, though.

Exhaustion suddenly came over the two of them, Daichi easily pulling the briefs and shorts back over Suga to cover him. He had to ignore the awful feeling in his own pants, but he'd only brought another pair for the morning. 

He crawled upward and collapsed dramatically on top of Suga who whined just as dramatically to match him.

“Are you good?” Daichi asked quietly, his eyes shut as he tried to keep himself from falling asleep already. 

“Absolutely.” Suga snorted, combing his fingers through Daichi's hair. “We do have to leave for school in two and a half hours to get to morning practice, though, so.. maybe not.”

Daichi turned his head to stare at the electric clock on Suga's desk. Four-o-seven in the morning. He was going to die at practice, no doubt about it.

“Well,” Daichi laughed quietly, giving Suga a quick kiss to the cheek. “We better get two hours of sleep, then.”

“I'll get two hours of sleep when you stop kissing and distracting me.” He replied quickly, flicking him on the head. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckled, shifting his position to curl around the other's back, awarding himself the title of the big spoon. His arm wrapped around his waist, snuggling into the back of his heart.

“Goodnight, Daichi.”

“Night, Suga.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this fic! I had a lot of fun writing it. 
> 
> It was actually my first time writing smut so I hope it wasn't that bad haha.
> 
> Make sure to comment and leave kudos, I'd really appreciate it! :)


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